


Crisscrossed Boundaries

by lodessa



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Established Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fantasy Fulfillment, Pegging
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-05
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-11-12 04:13:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18003614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lodessa/pseuds/lodessa
Summary: Chakotay confesses a fantasy he's had for a long time and Kathryn is more than willing to fulfill it.





	Crisscrossed Boundaries

**Author's Note:**

> A huge thank you to [ killermanatee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Killermanatee/pseuds/Killermanatee) for multiple rounds of betaing and to [manalyzer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Manalyzer/pseuds/Manalyzer) for the perspective when I lost it in the writing process and all the cheerleading.

“Alright,” he admits at last, “there is something.”

“Oh?” Kathryn replies eagerly, leaning in a little closer over the candlelit table.

“I don’t know if you are even going to remember this, but there’s something you said a long time ago, during the early years of our stay in the Delta Quadrant.”

He knows exactly when it was, but even now he feels strange about admitting just how intensely he fixated on a passing comment made in jest, long before they were anything. It was inappropriate and, if he’s being completely honest with himself, creepy of him.

She looks a bit perplexed as to what anything she said back then might have to do with the fantasy she’d asked him to share with her, whatever it was. 

For a moment he considers not proceeding, making some joke and letting the moment pass, but he reminds himself to trust her in this, that they aren’t in the early days of the Delta Quadrant anymore; after two years together knowing each other fives times that, he’s not going to scare her off with this.

“It was a joke, really, we were talking about dealing with some alien leader who wanted to sleep with you and you grinned the most deliciously naughty grin and suggested that you had found it very effective to well…”

He is trying not to sound as tense as he feels about admitting this. Kathryn loves unravelling a mystery, exploring something new. There’s no reason to think this will be any different, but after all this time he’s built it up so much in his head and it is tied to all those early feelings about her, before they had this intimacy, when they had just barely become friends.

“To fuck men like him,” she finishes his aborted sentence for him in much more direct terms than she’d used back then, before specifying, “with a strap on. Looking back on it, I can’t believe I said that to you then.” 

“Neither could I at the time. I very nearly choked on my wine.”

“I think your shock is part of what spurred me on,” she laughs, “Your face when I kept on, pontificating on how no matter their reaction it would work out for diplomacy.

“I was trying so hard to keep it together. That provocative side of you was a lot of take in at the time. I couldn’t help wondering if it was an invitation of sorts but then I didn’t know. Just how badly did I do at hiding that you were turning me on?”

He takes a deep breath, trying to gauge her reaction. 

“I think I was too busy asking myself what the hell I was doing to realize the exact nature of your discomfort at the time. So what does that example of how rotten I was at maintaining professionalism with you from the start have to do with your fantasy? Are you suggesting a threesome?” she squints a little as she studies him, making entirely the wrong inference.

“No,” he clarifies, hating the idea of sharing with anyone now that he finally has her. “I just… well the idea of you doing that. I’ve never been able to get it out of my head.”

“You know I wasn’t really screwing them, right?” she asks, still apparently not realizing what he is getting at.

“I didn’t think you were,” he assures her, swallowing before he explains, “I just couldn’t stop imagining, you doing that to me.”

“You wanted me to peg you?” she asks as casually as if she were discussing his preference for dinner, and he feels himself responding to her words, physically reacting to the very idea that she might do it. The nervous energy at his core moves down to become something else as he feels himself press against the confines of his uniform pants.

“I mean it started out as an idle fantasy, the kind of thing you get off to without actually looking to do. But after all this time, and now that we’re actually together and we’ve been indulging a little in some experimentation… Well I wouldn’t want to pressure you, but that’s the thing that comes to mind, when you ask if I have any fantasies I want to try out.”

“I can do that,” she says, without pausing momentarily to consider the way she usually does with new suggestion.

“Are you sure?”

The thing is that he wants her to penetrate him fully, more than he can articulate, but he wants her to feel like she can say no. She’s said no to him a lot in the time they have known each other, but it has always been about things outside the bedroom and sometimes he wonders if she feels like she needs to make up for all those professional refusals with being all consent when it comes to sex now that they are having it.

“It’s been a while, but I have some experience, and knowing that you have been thinking about it so long…” she smiles and seems comfortable rather than brave, and a part of him relaxes. 

He fights back the impulse to ask where that experience came from: it doesn’t matter, it is to his advantage, and he shouldn’t let it be a distraction.

“Kathryn,” he almost groans, as she walks around to his side of the table, running her fingertips down over his shoulder and then his chest, down to the evident bulge in his pants.

“You really want this,” she observes, bending her head down to brush her lips against his ear as she leaves her palm against his lap. 

“Yes,” he confesses, twisting his neck to look her in the eyes and confirming that smug closed mouth smile on her face. “I do.”

She reaches out with her other hand and caresses the side of his face, nodding and smiling a little more widely, before letting go of him with both hands as she straightens back up.

“I’ll meet you in the bedroom,” she tells him, evidently planning to act on this new revelation right now. “Go on ahead and get undressed.”

He can’t help touching himself as he does, running his hands down his stomach and thighs, giving his erection a soft slow tug, not enough to do more than send a shudder of anticipation down his spine.

“You look so delectable like that,” Kathryn comments, walking in with some replicated items in hand to find him kneeling naked on the bed with his knees apart and, stroking himself slowly.

“Come and ravish me then.”

“All in good time,” she chuckles, setting everything down so that she can unzip and toss aside first her jacket and then her undershirt. 

No other woman makes the standard issue starfleet bra and underwear look so good, he thinks as she undoes her pants and kicks them off along with her boots and socks. 

She reaches down to grab the strap on, stepping into the harness and fastening everything in place and he shudders in anticipation as he looks down over the planes of her stomach and hip bones to the silicone phallus, noting the details of the version she has replicated, not small per say but not oversized, a bit smaller than his own but with a more or less human shape. 

“I’d ask if you were sure about this, but I can see the evidence that you are,” Kathryn comments, picking the bottle of lube up again and walks towards the foot of the bed, reaching out and covering his hand with one of her own to encircle said evidence.

“Very sure,” he confirms, groaning as she moves both of their hands up and down the length of him.

Leaning in, she rests her other hand on the front of one thigh as she presses her lips to the other.

There is something about the way she touches him, the surety and genuine pleasure she reveals in it, or maybe it is simply that she is Kathryn. Either way, it is she who prompted this fantasy, Kathryn and Kathryn alone who he needs to take him in this way.

“Lie down,” she murmurs, but then stops him as he turns to get on his knees and elbows, grabbing hold of his hips with both hands. “I think it would be better if you could see this, don’t you?”

He’s not sure he could get any harder, but his whole body throbs in response to the idea.

“Yes,” he hastily agrees, falling back onto the bed with the back of his head against the pillows this time, “That sounds like perfection.”

Climbing onto the bed herself now, Kathryn presses her hands against his thighs, urging them up towards his chest as she learns down to his lips. 

“You are perfection like this”, she whispers, trailing kisses along his jawline.

Her mouth makes its way down his throat as her hands stay anchored holding his legs, not rough or hesitant but certain and secure.

He reaches out and trails his hands over her body: tracing her collarbone, cupping her breasts through the fabric of her bra, running them past her navel.

“So this isn’t too weird on your end?” he asks, wrapping one hand around the dildo and pressing it against the point where it rubs against her underwear with a circular motion.

“Weird,” she breathes, nipping at his shoulder, “is my wheelhouse. You know I love new discoveries.”

“Oh,” he replies, slipping his hand into her underwear from the side, as the other continues grinding the toy against her clit, “That much is clear.”

It’s still a thrill to find her wet, to feel the catch in her breath.

“Tell me in more detail,” she urges him, sitting back up straight and uncapping the lube, “just what you have been fantasizing about all this time.”

He stares up at her and tries to put together the words to express the cluttered mess of so many years of overlapping and contradictory versions of this he’s imagined.

“How it would feel, having you take me. In the early days a lot of if was imagining how you’d do it: Would you be gentle or rough? Would you make me beg? Would you seem excited or bored? I imagined asking you to take my body and how you might reply.”

The reality of being here with her is a mix of those ideas, clearly excited but gentle, a combination of the eye contact and connection of his later fantasies with the still partly covered by her undergarments vision he’d imagined from before they had those things. 

“Of course, we have been lovers for a good while now,” she points out smiling more with one side of her mouth than the other, hands on either side of his backside, pressing his hips into the air so he’s exposed.

He wonders if she guessed he’d imagined her like this, not completely bared to him in a literal sense, even as he is completely so to her. If anything her restraint brings out more of the reverse in him.

“Yes, so obviously it ended up being about more than just badly repressed desperation for you in any form,” he agrees, relaxing further onto the bed, an admission that is warm feeling instead of stinging now that it is no longer his current reality. “If anything, I only ended up wanting it more after we finally went to bed together.”

More so now that he knows she throws herself into anything they do together just as fully as she does her work. Even more, when he knows what those hands feel like all over his skin, without the barrier of a uniform between them.

She pours the lube generously down over the base of his erection, letting it drip down between his ass cheeks and then coating her fingers by working it up the length with one hand.

He presses into the contact, precum leaking from him although she hasn’t even touched his asshole yet.

“Keep talking,” she encourages, teasing around the edge with her thumb, circling without penetrating.

“You know how much I love when you overwhelm me and then recently when you offered to use your finger, to slide it up inside of me.”

As he says it, she presses just the tip of her pinkie in, more a tease than a push, sending a shiver of anticipation through him.

“That is what turned this idle idea into something that felt like it could be real, should be real,” he recognizes, squirming against the bed as he waits for more, resisting the urge to press up into the contact by reminding himself he can trust her, “I don’t think I have ever felt closer to you than in those moments where we were both within one another, your hand penetrating me as I was within you.”

“I don’t think you have ever screamed my name louder… well except for when I used that vibrator,” she smirks, as she massages the ring of muscle of that opening with a small circular motion of her fingertip and he has to grab hold of his legs to still their anticipatory shaking.

“You did make me beg a little that night.”

“You loved that, didn’t you?” she grins, wriggling that finger in for real now as she pours more lube.

“Are you going to make me beg again tonight?” he asks.

“No,” Kathryn tells him decisively, stroking the back of one thigh reassuringly with the thumb of the hand holding the lube, “Tonight I don’t think you need to be teased any further.”

“Ten years,” he agrees, “I’ve already been waiting for ten years.”

She exchanges her little finger for the next one on her hand, “Sorry, I made you wait.”

“Don’t be,” he groans as she curves her finger inside of him, introducing pressure where he longs for it most. “Anticipation makes a lot of things sweeter.”

“Is that why you waited so long to tell me?” she asks.

“I didn’t…” he pauses, struggling for words or even clear thoughts with the distraction of her pressing inside him in that way and the way his heart is racing, “ it’s not like this was something I was actively thinking about telling you. It’s not like I haven’t been very satisfied.”

“I’m teasing,” she tells him, “at least mostly.”

“I just… I thought it might make it weird, admitting how I latched on to that single statement, that I mentally violated your privacy by fantasizing, getting myself off to the idea,” he admits, too aroused to focus on a justification when all the wants is to lie back and enjoy the feeling.

“And after I admitted to all the times I did the same?” she pushes a little further, with her words as well as the finger she’s working steadily and out out of him now, sending jolts of sensation all the way up and down his body with both.

“It seemed selfish,” he realizes. “I mean if I thought about it I would have had to admit that you would probably do it if I asked, but asking you to service me like this instead of doing something for you-”

It’s different, receiving her attentions unilaterally, without reaching out to caress her, to return the favor in some way, but that’s part of this fantasy he discovers to his shame.

“Sometimes,” She shakes her head, scooting a little closer to trail kisses down the backside of one of his thighs and lightly nipping the fullest part of his backside as she reaches it. “Sometimes for just an insightful and clever man you can be incredibly clueless.”

He groans at the sensation and then again louder as she moves a second finger to join the one opening him up already, stretching him in a way that feels new. She scissors them apart just slightly and his breath catches as his head falls back completely, eyes fluttering closed for a moment before he pulls himself together enough to open them to meet hers again.. 

“Kathryn…” he shudders, a rush of long buried fear bubbling up from him now that he’s voiced the tip of that iceberg, despite his enjoyment… or perhaps because of it. Opened like this to her in body, his thoughts spill out. “You know you have a penchant for self sacrifice.”

Sometimes it feels like the very thing that should soothe these lingering insecurities is what brings them to the surface. Pulsing with the pleasure and passion of the moment the words have sprung from his lips that he would speak without those endorphins running through his system.

“Making love to you isn’t that, Chakotay. It could never be.” She gazes intently at him from between his spread thighs as she continues to use her fingers on him without shying away or pulling back. “Have you really not realized how much I enjoy bringing you pleasure?”

There is something about the way she says it, about the glint in her eyes. He is hers. He’s been able to give himself over to Kathryn in a way he’s never been able to relinquish himself to anyone or anything before. He takes a deep breath and lets that old worry go. 

“Chakotay,” she repeats his name, pulling him back into the moment and his body firmly, pouring more lube over her hand in preparation to finger him with three at once, “sexy, beloved, darling… Chakotay.”

He grabs hold of both thighs with his hands, keeping them from releasing down into her way as she uses those beautiful long fingers to prepare him. He thinks he could easily finish like this but he bites his lip and pulls himself back from that precipice.

Kathryn presses up onto her elbows and then sits up, finally moving to her knees as she continues her attentions. His gaze falls once more to the toy as she uses her free hand to spread lube all over it.

“We can keep it here,” she says without conviction, as though the question is more ritual than suspicion that it is needed.

“Don’t,” he breathes, arching into the contact of her hand, “Keep going. I need more.”

She licks her lips with a smile as she inches close against him, hand lazily drifting over both the dildo and his own erection as they rub against one another.

“Tell me,” she teases after all, but he’s too wound up to care, not when she’s so close to giving him this finally.

“Take me,” he almost whimpers, letting go of one leg temporarily to wrap his hand around the proxy he’s finding himself begging Kathryn to use on him, finding how good it feels to do that, to give voice to that desperate intensity of need.

She pulls her fingers back and he does whimper at the loss of sensation. He finds himself shaking with anticipation.

One hand guides them into position, as she tilts her hips forward and uses the other to brace against his hip.

“You’re already mine,” she whispers that truth he finds so much comfort in, sliding her free hand up next to his face as she pushes her way in. 

It is a lot. He’s aroused as hell and relaxed and he has been waiting all this time, but it is a lot. It is unfamiliar and intense, the size of the dildo stretching him wide, the movement of her hips so much more fluid and organic than the intentionality of her fingers. Maybe that’s what has been so powerful about this idea: this new territory for him. There is something about firsts, about something shared only with her, about fresh intimacy.

Kathryn kisses him sweetly as she works her way into him, stroking him at the same time. He relaxes beneath her, letting her in, cherishing her claim on him. 

When she’s all the way inside, base of the dildo pressed to his ass cheeks, she sits up, changing the angle inside of him and he cries out her name and feels his body try to release. She reaches down and runs her thumb over the leaking head, before bringing her hand up to her lips with a smile to taste.

Slowly she starts rocking, barely moving at first and then increases the intensity. The whole time she stares down at him with a ravenous delight.

He’s grateful for her thoughtfulness in having him positioned like this so he can see her, can watch her arching into him, can meet her eyes and feel that connection. Hers, not just because of his devotion but because of her response to that, something like romantic chivalry. It is not just about the knight’s pledge but the lady’s acceptance of that fealty, something that binds them together.

“I love you,” she tells him and he feels the tension coiling within him at every thrust as her body joins with his pressing close on the outside at the same time he’s pushed open most by the dildo’s depth inside of him. Then again as she pulls back at an angle that drags the head of it against his inner wall so it rubs that spot each time, on the way in and the way out and he that friction is what finally draws him past tingling and shaking as his balls tighten hard to release their contents.

She grabs hold of him again as he starts to come, spraying his release all over his body, milking every drop from him as she continues to hit just the right place on the inside.

He knows that was fast, more on the scale of rushed masturbation than anything else. Kathryn leans down to kiss him deeply, before she pulls out and backs up off the bed.

“I’ll be right back,” she promises, as she walks towards the bathroom where he hears the sound of the sink running. He wants to follow her, but he doesn’t think he could move let alone support his own weight on his shaking legs. 

Fortunately, she returns a few moments later, having shed the harness and strap on, with a warm damp washcloth she proceeds to use to wipe up the excess lube as she sits back down on the bed, kissing his trembling legs before guiding them back down.

That done, she throws the washcloth off the side of the bed and then crawls up beside him.

Still trembling, he pulls her against him, feeling the stickiness drying on her skin.

“That was embarrassingly quick,” he feels himself blush.

“I guess you really did like it,” she grins, “Don’t worry. Now that I know about it, I think we should make it a more regular occurrence.”

He looks over at her, flushed and smiling, the dark patch on her underwear very visible and her nipples poking through her bra.

“Give me a moment to recover.” He smiles back at her. “And then it is my turn to pleasure you.”

Chakotay loves going down on Kathryn, tasting and feeling her like that. He just doesn’t trust his shaking body quite yet.

“You know they make them double headed,” she murmurs against his ear and her feels the strain of his spent body longing to react to that notion.

“Always finding some new frontier to explore.” He nuzzles closer and turns his face towards her. “That is so quintessentially you, Kathryn.”

It is. Chakotay wondered for a long time if maybe that was part of why she held off on them for so long, keeping that little bit of unexplored territory between them to avoid discovering what there was to discover and feeling the urge to move on. 

“You know, it wasn’t just idle chatter, telling you that kind of thing.” She smiles softly and presses her forehead to his. “At the time I wouldn’t have recognized it, but from the start I made all kinds of suggestive comments to you. Some part of me was reaching out for you, though it wasn’t something I consciously did or was aware of.”

“I was never sure how intentional it was,” he admits. “I didn’t think you’d be so careless but I also didn’t figure you for being so cruel.”

“It was as though it would just slip out. I don’t exactly talk about sex with other colleagues or even friends, but I suppose I was flirting with you even then, despite not believing I meant to.”

“I’d say apparently I was irresistible but you did resist for years on end.”

“Maybe I like being teased too,” she chuckles, “Even if I’m the one teasing myself.”

“I guess it is a good thing you are self sufficient in that realm, since I always want to give you everything you want immediately.”

Their lips meet and he reaches around to unhook her bra, sliding it off her, as he moves his hands down her body, cupping her breasts and then dragging his fingertips lower. 

“On second thought,” Kathryn groans with a sharp intake of breath as he makes contact with her clit through her underwear. “Instant gratification sounds a whole lot better.”


End file.
